NEW YORK (Feb. 18) – A bird-brained Manhattan jury awarded $2.33 million to a complete loser who lost his leg after drunkenly stumbling onto the path of an oncoming subway train.

Dustin Dibble, 25, fell in the subway tracks after a getting hammered while watching a hockey game at a bar with friends in 2006. A downtown train ran over him, chopping off his right leg.

According to Dibble’s lawyer, NYC Transit rather than Dibble, assume primary responsibility for the accident because the subway driver had time to stop the train but did not.  The driver refused to admit skipping section 13 of his training manual entitled “Watch out for dumb dicks while driving the train”

Dibble’s blood-alcohol level at the time of the accident was .18, which is more than twice the legal limit had he been behind the wheel of a car, but still low enough to make him a pussy that can’t handle his booze.

The jury ruled Tuesday that Dibble will receive $2,336,713.
The deficit-plagued MTA plans to grow some balls and appeal the decision.

We were walking to the train station after being in the audience of the Jerry Springer show when this bum stops us. Actually he was a crack head. Don’t tell me I’m jumping to conclusions, he was a damn crack head- no front teeth, busted cracked lips and acting all jittery.

He says that he needs money for food- for both him and his child.  I personally don’t give money to anyone but kids and animals, so when he said his kid was hungry, I started to chat with him.

Here is our conversation-

“I need some money for me and my kid, we hungry”

“Oh, where is your kid at?”

“Mcdonalds”

“He’s at Mcdonalds by himself?”

“No, he’s with my wife”

“Oh ok.  Do you believe in God?”

“Of course”

“Swear to God you have a hungry kid”

he says “I swear” as he does the sign of the cross

“How old is he?”

“Well I have two”

“How old are they?”

at this point he pauses, “9 and 6″

“Oh great. One boy and one girl, or two boys?..”

“Two boys”

“What are their names”

here he pauses for a minute, “Jade and uh uh uh uh uh uh Earl”

“Jade and Earl?”

“Yep.”

“I thought you had two boys?”

“No no, one boy and one girl”

I laugh and tell him he’s  a pathetic liar and walk away..I am a dick to the homeless

We wake up super early and grab some food.  We’re outside waiting for the tour bus to Chichen Itza by 7 AM when the tour desk guy walks into the hotel to start his day of work.  He asks us why we’re there and we’re like, “uh going on that trip we bought from you”  He’s says, “uh ya, remember I told you the bus is down the street?”

Crap

We hot skip to the pick up area down the street and just get there in time.

The ride is boring with not much to see. We both read. The first stop is a cenote, or as we call them, sinkholes.  It was pretty neat. Here’s a pic:

Although people were swimming, we didn’t get in.

The next stop was this restaurant in the middle of no where. Its sole meaning is to feed the people going to the ruins.  The food is mediocre.  Back on the bus we head to the Chichen Itza.

We get a tour which was actually really interesting. I shoot some ridiculous pictures that i’ll have to enter in a contest somewhere.

and

We walk around the park for a few hours.  These ruins were pretty neat, the only thing that was lame was the amount of vendors selling junk every 5 feet.

We were exhausted and dirty when we got home. For dinner we ate at one of the restaurants within the hotel.

We were a little hungover from the hours of drinking. But it’s nothing that the breakfast buffet can’t cure. 3 different juices, a huge omelet, 2 hash browns, a yogurt, toast, bacon, sausage and a few orange wedges. STUFFED.

We change into some beach gear and head to the water. All the beach chairs were taken, so we find a place by the pool. A handful of women are topless, but none are worth a side glance.

We lay out for a bit when the clouds roll through.

We then walk to the city which took about 30 mins. There were some amazing houses on the way. Once we got into the city, we couldn’t walk 2 feet without getting hollered at. “Come in” “Check it out” “Best prices” Imagine having money glued on your skin and walking around the poorest district in India. That’s what its like walking around here. A few guys tried to sell us weed, but fyi, their pot is utterly gross so don’t even waste your money.

We got tired walking around so we headed back to the hotel. The rest of the night is spent drinking and watching a live show. We were convinced the singers, who were lip syncing American songs, had no idea what they were saying. It would be like me memorizing a song in Chinese.

On Halloween night 2008, my girlfriend and I won a trip to Mexico.  We waited patiently til the nightmare of winter was too much to bare and on the first weekend of February, we jetted off to Mexico.

I started to pack the night before we left.  I threw some old t-shirts and a pair of jeans into my bag.   I had the idea that we would be in some crappy village drinking cheap booze and eating questionable quesadillas.  It was totally not what I expected.  Regardless of whether it was nice or not, I didn’t care, we were going to Mexico for free.

We hopped on the train at 5:15 in the AM and rumbled to O’hare. It was in the 20s that morning and I was trying to make it to the airport without a jacket until my girlfriend said I was dumb.

We flew directly to Cancun via USA3000. I knocked out a majority of the book “The Year of Living Biblically” (which I’ll review at some time). When we landed, we strolled outside and found the van that takes us to our hotel. The drive to the Allegro Playacar took just about 45 minutes. I was really surprised at how nice everything was.

We got to the hotel around noon. For a free trip we definitely did not expect to see this..

Allegro Playacar

Check in wasn’t until 3 PM so we strolled on down to the pool/bar/food area. All drinks and food were included so we each ordered two beers and stocked up plates of food.

Below  is a view of the ocean from the pool area.

Not bad right?

After check in, we headed to the tour desk to book a trip to these Ruins for Saturday. He ended up selling us this party package, which if you’re ever down there, you should really get. It’s $80 a person and includes unlimited drinks at Carlos and Charlies, Senor frogs as well as cover and drinks at the Coco Bongo.

After a nap, we boarded the party bus for 7 hours of fun. I’m not going to get all into it, but I do want to throw in how this 55 year old lady turns to us after almost walking into a pole and says “I’m drunk, I hope I don’t get pregnant.”

Nasty.

A photograph surfaced recently showing the greatest recorded swimmer of all time, Michael Phelps, smoking pot.  He was doing more than smoking it too, he was ripping a bong!

I first want to thank him for bitch slapping millions of people in the country.  He proved that someone that has smoked pot, can be an world-class Olympic swimmer.  Forget about swimming, you could even be the President. I say this as I point out the last few Presidents,  have all smoked once or twice in their lives.  I’ll throw in a quick quote

“I had discovered that it didn’t make any difference whether you smoked reefer in the white classmate’s sparkling new van, or in the dorm room of some brother you’d met down at the gym, or on the beach with a couple of Hawaiian kids who had dropped out of school and now spent most of their time looking for an excuse to brawl. … You might just be bored, or alone. Everybody was welcome into the club of disaffection.”

What stoner wrote that? President Barack Obama, recipient of the most votes of any American presidential candidate in history.

I then want to comment that marijuana is not a performance enhancing drug. In fact, its just the opposite. After inhaling just one or two times, the smoker usually has the insatiable urge to do nothing but watch cartoons and eat junk food. I was looking up some reports and stories that said a  large percentage of NBA and NFL players smoke occasionally- and they are some of our best athletes.

I was going to comment about Alcohol is a far worse drug than pot, but it’s not worth it.

Don’t believe all the rumors that the occasional smoker can’t amount to something amazing!

Just to note that I am not a stoner. I find a handful of things really interesting, one of which being the war on drugs and the stereotypes and myths surrounding them.

Peace